Nothing Part 1
Isn’t it strange, when you are feeling a bit down that all the emotions of today, a week ago, a month and even years ago come flooding back. In fact, Naomiof the Bible was so overwhelmed by her circumstances that she changed her name from one meaning pleasant to Mara, meaning bitter. I strugglewith circumstance, to the point of being an obvious pain the the “booy” as my two year old calls it. When my brow furrows and I spend the hours after dinner frantically cleaning or tackling huge un-warranted projects it often brings questions…
It is my experience when someone asks “What’s the matter?” one of two answers results:
- “I’m fine.” or virtually the same answer, “Nothing.” It’s not that you intend to deceive but your mind is saying stuff like, “Tired chocolate dad clutch and baby. Phone call under the couch and maybe my hair” How can a sane person make any sense of that? So what a person usually intends to say follows. “Nothing I can wrap my brain around at the moment.” Or “I’m fine without dumping all the garbage I can’t even sort in my own mind yet.”
- The other answer, though it’s less often perceived as deceitful is more often taken personally especially by unsuspecting, sincerely caring spouses: Pause a moment while the questioned waits for the flood of thoughts to bump against the front of her brain and spill down into the central cavity of the brain where she can begin to pick them up one at a time, examine them and blurt out in no particular order just like the lottery lady on television, “I’m still feeling residual effects of the PPD, I really thought it would disappear one day and I would be rid of it but I’m loosing a lot of sleep over it,” deep breath while tears begin to well, “my dad being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s back at Christmas time is still heavy on my heart, I’m mad at God and I struggle every day to remember to thank God that Dad is still around and can do projects and play with the kids, I didn’t loose him in a car accident or a fire (he was a firefighter for over 25yrs) but I’m fearful of the future because I can’t imagine life without him AND,” with a flood of tears mounting now (I never cry so now I’m getting mad that my Hubby hit the jackpot, so to speak and I’m sobbing which will inevitable give me an unwanted headache) “the baby is sleeping really well now, in her own room but even though it is good I miss her and I lose sleep over THAT!” Another gasp while I, I mean she 😉 winds up for the finale, “There are dust bunnies under the couch and that guy left a message for the third time about the clutch AND I haven’t had a shower so my hair is greasy and uncooperative!”
I think if it’s all the same, next time I will stick to “Nothing!” and save myself the headache.