Where has the mind gone?

September 3, 2009 at 2:44 pm 15 comments

Where has the time mind gone?

Anyone else might not understand my devastation when I forgot where I’d put Matt’s paycheck the other day.

Life happens, things get misplaced, even important things.

Even the biggest organize junkie can have a day like I did and end with the realization that the most important slip of paper went into her hand and back out without the slightest recollection.

Why then, did this understandable event cause such grief that I spent nearly an hour huddled in the corner of my bathroom sobbing into my lap while my husband, unaware that I was beside myself, frantically looked for his months pay.

The day began a bit earlier than usual with a hot cup of coffee.  Matt and I packed lunch in a cooler and tried to make breakfast to go before the kids all stumbled down the stairs with hungry tummies.  If we could beat them to it we planned to whisk them into their car seats and stuff bananas in their chubby hands so we would not be held up by the usual hour of dressing, diapering, breakfast routine.

We made it just in time. Buckled the Thinglets into their seats, shoveled a green smoothie into Pee Wee’s little mouth and off we went for the 2 1/2 hour drive north for hay.

Twenty or thirty songs and stories later we made it to the farm where we collect our hay twice yearly.  The farmer was ready with hay forks on his tractor.  I hired Thing 1 to divvy up the snack and give a bottle to the littlest before jumping onto the flatbed to roll 120lb bales of pokey, itchy hay into position while Matt hefted the strays.  Rolling bales might sound like a simple endeavor but when the rectangles are turned they tend to want to stay turned.  With all my might I fought them into place, swiping the sweat under my baseball cap, occasionally letting my boot slip through a crack in the ever growing stack.

Don’t feel too bad, I love to do hay but it sure is exhausting work.

Once most of the bales were loaded I took a break to let the little ones have a few minutes out of the truck before our long trek home.

With Pee Wee on my hip and Bubba in tow we picked alfalfa flowers as I threatened the big boys to stay out of the way of the tractor.  Finally it was time to pull out the checkbook so I summoned Matt with the “Mary Poppin’s Pockets”.  He pulled a somewhat soggy pile of papers from his back pocket and we laughed at having to find a dry check to pay with. 

The farmer (a friendly granfatherly man) snatched up the Bubba and tickled him upside down like he would have done to his own grandson.

Matt noticed his paycheck in the stack of papers and handed it to me for safe keeping, I set the checkbook down on the bumper of the green Chevy and…


I can’t remember what happened next.

Remembering has become infinitely more precious to me this year.  You see, my Dad was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimers a disease that robs the brain of memory by depositing plaque in areas with previously perfect activity.  Early Onset is the only type of AZ that is believed to be highly hereditary.  At one point I heard a stat that children of Early Onset AZ patients have a 50% chance of contracting this disgusting disease which can begin it’s tragic effects as early as 30.

Did I mention I turned 30 this year?

That’s how an ordinary event and an active imagination gets turned into a cause for devastation.  A crippling reminder that life is short and a tragic way to start a perfectly good day.

Thank goodness that isn’t where the story ends.

God’s promised are not bound by time, events or circumstance and despite my first raw feelings that somehow my Jesus caused this to happen to Dad.  The facts are he did not, he does not, he can not cause ugly, depraved and sin induced things to happen. He does however allow us to wrestle through life bumping into our circumstances (sometimes self induced, often not) with the choice to include him or not.

When Jacob (the deceiver) wrestled with God (Gen 32:22-31) in the desert he hung on till daybreak. God could have ended the match at any second and yet he allowed the hand to hand combat to continue.  Why?  To be cruel, because he was heartless?  A game?  Jacob had been dubbed a liar from birth, it was on every tongue when his name was spoken.

“Liar, come to dinner.”

“Liar, clean your room.”

God eventually ended the tussle by simply touching (and injuring) Liar’s leg and when he let go he announced,

“You have wrestled with God and with man and you have overcome.  From now on your name will be Israel (he struggles with God)”

In a recent Bible Study I attended the leader implored us to “hang on until the blessing comes.”

The Liar, wrestling with God would not let go. He clung to the struggle and stuck with it until he had encountered God (the wrenched hip) and received a new name “Israel my beloved!”

Even though I don’t like it, even though my mind deceives me I will hang on till the blessing comes and not allow my circumstances to cripple me and keep me from encountering God.

Entry filed under: My Goofy Life and Motherhood Uncensored. Tags: , , , , , , .

Back to the Garden Sometimes I Forget

15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Liz  |  September 3, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    ok…two things..First, did you find the check? And secondly, was that a Beth Moore Bible study you were referring to? I just finished one of hers which discussed that very same thing (hang on until the blessing comes).

    • 2. glutenfree4goofs  |  September 4, 2009 at 9:21 am

      Yes and yes! 🙂 The check was in my purse. :{ and my friends and I just finished the Patriarchs study. So cool that we were studying the same thing!

  • 3. Sarah C.  |  September 4, 2009 at 7:27 am

    Oh wow, Mom to 3 herre and had my little foster child at the time. I am 35. I was driving to work one day & drove by my place of work. I got many miles down the road and passed someone I work with heading in the other dirrection, when I then questioned in my mind, why this person just passed me shouldnt she be at work? I soon relise Im not supposed to be driving to town I am on my way to work. This is the WORST mind loosing thing I have done so far to date. There are MANY. Hubby & friends say it is because I have so much on my mind and had the new foster child, lack of sleep. I many times catch myself and become very sad with fear that Im loosing my mind.
    I give it to God. I keep hearing that if I believe I will not have fear. So when I catch myself “loosing my mind” I have to sit back and smile and trust that at least God knows what Im doing .

    • 4. glutenfree4goofs  |  September 4, 2009 at 9:22 am

      You are so right! God is NOT surprised! 🙂

  • 5. Sharyl Williams  |  September 4, 2009 at 8:59 am

    So sorry about your Dad – and that you now have that possibility hanging over your head, Don’t let Satan use it as a weapon – (way easier to say then do!) Your mind is already divided at least 4 ways because of your kids! Give yourself a break!

  • 6. Elaina  |  September 4, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Wow, so many thoughts are running through my head here. First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your dad. My Grandma has Alzheimer’s and its been really hard.

    Second, I can’t really explain how I needed to read this today. In order to do so, I’d write a book in your comment section. But I feel like, no, I know, God used this to speak to me this morning. Thank you so much for writing this!

    Lastly, and on a less serious note, I didn’t change the profile because of what you said. 🙂 Before the Reese’s thing, it said, “I love changing my profile to see who notices.” LOL! I change it constantly in one way or another.

    Thanks again for writing about this journey He had you on because it has blessed me in ways I can’t explain.

    • 7. glutenfree4goofs  |  September 4, 2009 at 2:35 pm

      I have goosebumps! I’m honored to be used by God and I’m thrilled that you find Peace in what I write and experience. 🙂

      I wasn’t offended about the Reeses! I’m hard to offend. I too change my profile in small ways often. Also, I love “novel” comments.

  • 8. the most awesome cousin ever  |  September 4, 2009 at 11:47 am

    i read this often, and decided to follow, and start commenting on it.
    first: I’m with you on the freeking out bc you forgot something….when its little things, its fine, but something big (like driving right by the freeway exit you need to take, and KNOW that’s the one you always take) i have a meltdown….
    my family jokes, but i think since its hereditary, we’re all in the same boat, psychologically…completely freeked out.
    second: your weather girl has got some epic cleavage jess 😉

    • 9. glutenfree4goofs  |  September 4, 2009 at 2:37 pm

      Ha!!! Thanks for your support! And I think my weather girl is you! Tee hee!

      • 10. the most awesome cousin ever  |  September 4, 2009 at 10:23 pm

        yup…i think your weather girl IS me…haha….keep up the good work cousin 🙂

  • 11. Debbie  |  September 4, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    I read this earlier today but didn’t have time enough to write a comment. You had been in my thoughts all day and now after reading an email, I saw this article and thought of it fit your concerns today. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090303102612.htm
    There are “related articles” beside this one with some research regarding dementia and folate intake. Really does fit us gluten-free gals in needing to be sure we are absorbing our nutrients. My testing showed this to be true with many that included folate defiency.

    I love your writing and admire you.

    • 12. glutenfree4goofs  |  September 4, 2009 at 8:54 pm

      Thank you my Dear for the compliments and thank you for the article I will read it asap!

  • 13. gluten free easily (gfe)  |  September 8, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    A moving post, Jessie. We all go through that kind of stuff when we are pulled in too many different directions. Big hugs on the troubling day and re: your dad’s diagnosis.


  • 14. purplemoose  |  September 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    I’m glad you found the check! My hubby’s got direct deposit but still I get irked when I can’t find the stub. “I thought I gave it to you!” he said back in June. Guess what? He just last week found it in his pocket. . . had been thru the washer! See, you really DIDN’T give it to me, honey! (So I’m glad I’m not the only one losing it. 😀 )

  • 15. Katheryn  |  June 2, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    Wow, I just stumbled upon this and its really touched me. Sometimes when things get hectic I start losing things, especially my keys or phone. I now recognize this as a signal to slow down and be more intentional about where I put things. Also to give myself a break, talk to a friend and yes, sometimes crying helps too. of course praying is the best, God knows what we’re up against and He is really cheering us on. I used to think I was losing my mind but I am trying to focus on not describing myself as crazy but merely forgetful and truly as a homeschool mom of four extremely busy. Thanks again for being so candid and I hope your Dad is doing well.


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Us and Our Thinglets

MATT - Food Creativity Consultant, Joyful Partner in Crime JESSIE - Photographer, Amateur Food Critic, Blog Author CAPTAIN OBVIOUS - formerly Thing 1 Thing 1 SCARFUNKLE - formerly Thing 2 IMG_3466 LOUD KIDDINGTON - formerly THE BUBBA 3 PEE WEE MINI ME BORN March 8, 2011

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Sourdough Update

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September 2009

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