Posts tagged ‘life’

Going going- I’ll be back!

Okay so it is snowing today and I’m feeling a bit humbug.

I will be back though. I’ve got a few ideas/ recipes to share but at the moment they are stuck on the hard drive of a rogue computer. Grrr!

Until then come visit me at Blog Schmog. Submit your adventures in turning lemons into lemonade on Friday for Fu-get ABout it Fridays (F.A.B.)! Fab in the “Fabulous I’m getting another cup of coffee before I tie myself to a rocket headed for the moon” kind of Friday. Is anyone out there that can relate? Its where moms, grandmas, dad’s, grads (anyone really) unite to laugh in the face of permanent marker art and mom jeans!FabF1

October 29, 2009 at 11:16 am Leave a comment

I’m a Reading Rainbow

I did finally get to read to my neighbor.  It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

My friend whom I met with in regard to God’s harebrained plan about reading to her husband the doctor, was glad to see me and optimistic about our arrangement.  Unfortunately her husband had fallen asleep and she was not able to readily wake him so instead of introducing us she left me with her eleven year old daughter while taking her other kids to youth group.

Waiting made my anxiety worse.  My husband had asked earlier in the day if I was nervous and at that time I was not, even when I showed up I was not but sitting there I began to entertain my reservations.

What will he think of this crazy plan?  Will he think I intend to evangelize him without compassion.  I bet he is wondering if whatever I have planned will allow him yet another chance to sleep or let his thoughts wander.

I chatted with my heart in my throat, nervous about what to do if he woke.  At last we heard him coughing in the other room and that darling little girl got up and ran into his room exclaiming, “Good morning, sleeping beauty!”

It was actually six at night!

“Do you wanna meet a new friend?” she exclaimed and beckoned with her hand for me to enter.

Thank you Lord! 

I had been so nervous about how to approach him and yet this lovely little girl had taking away all tension with her plucky introduction.

Lord, help me not to talk down to him, help my conversation to be comfortable and respectful.  Lord give me the right words so that I don’t pity him but that your love shows through me and your hope is evident without my having to preach at him.  Jane and I want so badly for him to learn to trust you, help me to understand your timing.

She left us alone and I sat beside his bed and began to explain why I had chosen the book that I did.  Despite the fact that God clearly directed me to read House, by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti, I had many other reasons for agreeing with Him and I shared those. 🙂

As I spoke I took in a couple quick glances at the pictures above the bed, they were of healthier times for the doctor and I was shocked at the stark difference.  Though he had thick cotton white hair even then, it was silky and bright .  Now his hair was a coarse gray mat against his head.  He had been a big man with a broad inviting smile.  Now, emaciated and limp, his smile ghoulish, his head appearing too large on his skeleton frame.  My heart ached.

I opened my book and read stopping now and again to take a sip of water and allow him to cough.

We finished one chapter and I paused to talk a little about myself.  I told him briefly about each of my kids and that I felt blessed to know his family.  His daughter came in to check on us and I took another drink of my water while conversing with her.

I read another chapter and twice I made major mistakes that sent us both into laughter.  His eyes sparkled and he tried to laugh but it caused a coughing fit.  I winced at the pain it seemed to cause him as he gagged and sputtered.  I could not believe that I was sitting there, next to a man who was so incapacitated and yet the Lord was allowing us to fellowship.  I was not disturbed by the monitors and wheelchair.  My mind was filled with compassion and my heart longed only for him to know my Jesus and accept the promise of complete healing whether on earth or in heaven.

I read a total of three chapters and in the third had another laugh fumbling around with my voice attempting to recreate a “booming” male voice.

Though I had seen the sparkle in his eye and thought I made him laugh it was hard to be sure how he was taking it until his daughter ran to her mother the minute she arrived and exclaimed “He was so into it, I haven’t seen him that alert!”

My reservations were wiped away and the Lord graciously confirmed that His thoughts are completely different from ours…and His ways are far beyond anything we can imagine.

I read again soon and will be sure to keep you updated.

“My thoughts are completely different from yours,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your way and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth.  They cause the grain to grow producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry.  It is the same with my word.  I send it out and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to and it will prosper everywhere I send it.  You will live in joy and peace.  The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands!  Where once briers grew, myrtles will sprout up.  This miracle will bring great honor to the Lord’s name; it will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.”

Isaiah 55:8-13

October 14, 2009 at 5:03 pm 10 comments

I’ve Graduated

So I’ve been a mom for almost eight years now.  I know, it’s more than some, less than others but this morning I had a turning point.  I do believe my mother would be proud. I have to say, I’ve graduated.

I’ve dealt with poo in every imaginable place and some NOT, I can handle throw up (as long as I’m not pregnant and nauseous myself) and I do pretty darn well with blood just ask Thing 2 aka “Roadrash King” and “Scar-funkle”!  My weakness has always been with sink ickies.  You know the stuff, the soggy cereal that is half stuck to the bottom of the sink, the random pieces of fruit that are barely recognizable and also very slimy, then there are often beans or pieces of meat swirling around and  around in the drain too big to slip through the slot and disappear forever. 

The worst is when mom’s been gone and there are stray dishes in the sink disguising the problem.  Mom comes home at midnight from a once in a blue moon girls night/baby shower falls into a fitful sleep and wakes up late (theoreticaly-;)) to find the lurking dinner goodies floating around under a couple plates and a handful of silverware.

You know what I did today?  Instead of my usual freak out; convulsing while fighting my gag reflex, shielding my eyes from the horror of it all then trying to fish out the invaders with a spoon and a paper towel (no I don’t have a disposal) while all the while holding my breath which if it takes too long puts me at further risk of passing out right then and there on the kitchen floor.  Instead of all that I reached my bare hand down into the sink drain and scooped that puppy right out of there.  It’s like a creature out of mad science and I TOUCHED it, grabbed it and threw the whole darn mess away WITHOUT gagging.

I tell ya, I’ve graduated!

October 1, 2009 at 10:04 am 5 comments

The Doctors Doctor

It wasn’t even Sunday and I got that feeling in my stomach that happens when you know you are supposed to go up during the altar call.  The very same butterflies that urge you to speak out on something important.  The unrest that does not settle until you take action.  I’m sure you’ve felt the same feeling in one situation or another.  But this was the middle of the week.  No pastor preaching, nobody challenging my ideals just me driving my car down the road in peace and quiet!  Maybe that was the trouble, I’m usually unable to think, let alone pray with my Thinglets poking each other and Pee Wee squealing along with them, my radio blaring to try to drowned out the noise.

I knew what it meant. We have a new neighbor in the valley whose house I pass each time I go to town.  The  family had moved into the single level home six months after the man of the house had suffered a major frontal lobe stroke that put him in a nursing home and made it unable for him to return to their multi level house only a few miles away.

Matt and I had stopped by one day and offered our assistance when we saw them moving in.  Jane told us the whole story about her husbands stroke and how he was unable to return home to her and the kids until they moved into a house that was better suited to a wheelchair.

When we left I couldn’t stop thinking about how I could serve them better.  What could I do to help out? 

Drop off a meal?  Ugh!  No offense to any kind soul who serves meals in love but I always cringe at the Christian cliche, “Just serve them a meal!”  Although this common practice is how I was introduced to one of my favorite meals to date (so I had better not frown too obviously) it’s just not my cup of soup.

I could babysit the kids but anyone who knows me IRL knows that I am not the gal for that job! While I love my kids and have an absolute blast with each and every one of them I’m not the little kid type. Please send me all your teenagers but not your babies!  Only one of Jane’s children would fit my category so I didn’t think that would be my job either.

“How then Lord, how can I help?”

Have you ever asked a question and promptly found you regret the resulting answer?

I did get a clear answer.  Not in the form of actual words but a vivid and real epiphany complete with the thought process behind it, none of which I came up with on my own.

For months the Lord has been preparing me to stop and present His harebrained plan of which I am supposed to happily facilitate.  I’ve prayed many times since then, ” let me know when it is time Lord,”   and yet even when he made it distinctly evident, I didn’t want to go through with it.

***************

Imagine an intelligent and mature man who had spent a lifetime pursuing a successful career as a doctor, a family practitioner.  He has a beautiful wife many years younger than himself, loving and devoted to him, his three darling children and his time consuming  job and passion.  They live in a grand custom home on a private lake and lead a life of ease.  The family entertains many friends and attends church every holiday.  They are the ideal American family.

Now imagine you are that man and one night after you lay your head to rest you awake to the bright lights of the ER.   The smells and sounds as familiar as your  jobplace. 

Wait… you can not turn your head, you can’t sit up and reach over to turn off the monitor beeping in your ear.  Your heart begins to race, your eyes dart from the lights on the ceiling to the IV in your hand.  The blue coats rushing around are not your nurses, but you’ve seen them before while attending surgery at the local hospital.  Why can’t you speak?  You want to ask “Why am I laying here?”

***************

I thought about these things and I imagined myself in Dr. Smith’s position.  I feared the inability to move myself, to express myself, to learn.  When I climbed into his shoes I was terrified and lonely.

It’s been a year since his stroke but mobility has not returned, speech continues to allude him.  People come to the new house to wish him speedy recovery but most of them don’t know what to say, they talk to him like a child.  He can’t lift his hand to shake theirs, he can not assure them he is still as sharp as ever in thought.  He can only sit alone with his  thoughts hoping to either get well or die.

If I were in his shoes I can only imagine the struggle I would have pondering the apparent either/or.

Armed with compassion I would not have mustered on my own and the harebrained plan that made me blush each time I explained it to those who were praying, I drove up the driveway to the new house and parked reluctantly at the barn.

I was really hoping this was another practice run since I’d parked there once before (another time when the butterflies made me do it) only to find that Jane was not home.    This time she slipped out the back door almost immediately and strode confidently toward my Suburban.  A lump formed in my throat.  I conjured up a front for my visit and began to converse about our kids, 4-H, the Mariners (not really) until finally the swirling, fluttering, shaky feeling could no longer be ignored.

“Jane, uh er, I uh…,” I took a deep breath then spit it all out, “the real reason for my visit is to see if your husband would like if I was to read to him on a regular basis.” 

I didn’t look for her reaction before I continued, “I have a book in mind that I have not read yet, it’s a supernatural thriller that honestly sounds a little scary.”

Then I took another breath and tried to blur the next sentence into an unrecognizable muddle, “It has a faith based component, so I believe it ends well.”

To my surprise my lovely neighbor whom I barely know anything about latched onto the whole idea like I was sent by God to help ease her burden.  Imagine that! 😉

Before blurting out the whole plan I had thoroughly convinced myself of the stupidity of reading to an intelligent man, like I was Mr Rogers.  The Lord told me clearly to read  to a scholarly doctor who despite his medical condition I was convinced  could certainly read on his own.

After I had settled my fluttering friends, I confided in Jane as to how stupid I felt for even suggesting the idea.  The only read aloud forums I would let myself imagine were juvenile gatherings; the library story hour, Saturday nights as a kid listing to my dad read “Little House on the Prairie” and visions of my own children nestled around reading “The Indian in the Cupboard.”  What in the world would a full grown man think of me READING to him.  “I’m sure he can read on his own, maybe he would prefer to borrow my book!”  I explained.

“Oh, no,” Jane grew solemn “He would not be able to hold the book.”

The stroke had been severe enough that even a year later the doctor is still unable to sit fully on his own or steady his hands for anything other than a squeeze or a meager wave.  His speech is nearly non existent and if he stands at all it is only with the help of a strong adult.  Most of the time she said he doesn’t even lift his head to watch the TV.  “He just listens,” she assumed aloud.

At the mention of faith (a word I had used hoping to avoid the subject of Jesus all together) a whole new conversation emerged and I spent the next hour sharing a spiritual connection with Jane.  I learned that she is a believer herself and concerned about her husbands salvation.  Before the stroke, he had been successful and preoccupied, not the one to persue Christian gatherings but never in the way of her endeavor to educate the children on “religious” matters.  She told me about how more and more people have been pursuing him and telling him that Christ wants to be a part of his life.

She told me, with an embarrased but mischievous glint in her eye that she had been reading her Bible to him and dragging him out to church every Sunday. 

As she described it, they had recently had a discussion where she told him that he needed to give his burdens to the Lord and allow Christ into his life.  Things that day had been really bad, he was weak and unhelpful when she tried to get him up, she had struggled to lift while he resisted and in the end he had fallen.  She knew that her prayers could only go so far since the Lord will not make a person believe so she urged him to pray and ask God for assistance.  The next day his strength was back and his face a little less ashen.  

The Lord hears and the doctor is beginning to ask!

There was an urgency in Jane’s mind in regard to her husband knowing the Lord’s healing.  We talked about the possibility of the Great Physician bringing total healing and she insisted it won’t happen until Dr. Smith allows it.

I invited them to a bible study at our house and she said they would be sure to come.

Through obedience to the Lord, I have made a new friend, been given a new prayer, and am a participant in the healing process of the doctor in heart and health!  I am confident this won’t be the end of the story.

Click here to read what happened next.

September 19, 2009 at 1:53 pm 10 comments

A Mini Donkey Tried to Eat Me!

It was the horseback ride from_____ well, lets just say it was an adventure.

Thing 1 begs me every day to take him riding so this time I said yes.  We have a little pinto mare whom he calls “his horse” that has an arthritic knee (from an injury) and can’t go anywhere too fast so he is pretty safe on her. 

We waited for Matt to come home, shoveled down a quick dinner and piled out the door hoping to sneak out before the Bubba could see what was happening.

Thing 2 didn’t want to get left behind so I doubled him on my “Mountain Mare” and we headed down the trail.

We went along fine for a while but 5 year old Thing 2 is not the most natural of horsemen and when my horse jolted forward unexpectedly I suddenly had his feet up under my armpits.  Instead of bringing her to an immediate stop all I could think was to grab for him behind my back, hoping to catch a clump of his shirt.  He was howling and wailing while she loped ahead and he bounced around on her rump while I tried desperately to keep us both atop! 

We made it through that one and it wasn’t long before the howls of surprise subsided.  The 5 year old can get quite emotional over anything unexpected.

Meanwhile Thing 1 was plunking along on his little mare when we came to a large tree in the trail.   She could not lift her bad knee high enough to clear the obstacle so with a crash and a bump she ended up high centered over the thing.  In another instant and a horrendous struggle she made it over completely, fell to her knees and then stumbled back up to her feet.  I have no idea how Thing 1 managed to ride it out with out a peep.  Poor girl banged up her sore knee.

 We finally made it out of the woods about 3 miles down a fairly steep grade to meet back up with the road below.  My horse decided that she was bored and started eyeing everything with suspicion. 

We rode about a half mile on the road where a garbage can tried to eat Mountain Mare, then my neighbors fluffy dog; a bunch of cows, a rabbit in the weeds, a bicyclist and a motorcyclist then a kind neighbor who stopped in his pickup truck to let us pass.  He said hello in a voice so deep and smoothly rich that it startled me as well!  Thing 2 told me later in a high pitched squeak “I hope I sound like that man when I grow up!” 

I could not get my horse to settle down and I worried about another jolting ride for Thing 2 so I hopped off and led us back up the road to the trail head where I figured we would be safe from horse eating monsters.

We settled in again Mountain Mare and I in the lead with wiry haired Thing 2 clinging to my waist and Thing 1 surprisingly quiet (for once) following behind on his poky girl. 

Not 100 feet into the woods we came to a fence and the cutest little gray donkey that had to stand less than 30″ high and was certainly that wide!  But Oh *^$&*+ I am sure I heard my horseswear as her head snapped around to get a better look and we both saw him squeeze that fat belly right between the gate and a big black railroad tie it was chained to.

In an aggressive move I didn’t expect from such a cute little booger he bolted up to Thing 1’s horse, reared up and snorted in her face.

“Don’t let them sniff,” I scolded him then tried to urge my horse ahead to keep the mares moving farther away from the crazy donkey.  My son’s mare stood frozen in fear while I am certain by the look in her eye, my mare continued to think up unkind words to describe the angry gray monster.

We got a little ahead and the donkey left Thing 1’s mare to gallop past my horse and attempt to kick her in the knee with both hooves flying.  “Hang on TIGHT!”  I hollered at Thing 2 who had practically climbed into the saddle with me, arms and legs wrapped around my waist, head pressed into my back, this time no howls.

When the little guy came galloping back through the brush and the trees Thing 1’s horse decided she’d had enough.  She rammed into the back of us then jetted around my horse and ran as fast as her little legs could take her with the mini chasing from behind.

“Hang on! Hang on TIGHT!”  I yelled, still trying to cling to my double rider with one arm and steer my horse up the rocky trail with the other.

Suddenly the donkey turned back but our horses were not convinced, I allowed my mare to lope in order to keep up with my oldest and his runaway pony.  He was hanging on like nobody’s business but had lost his stirrups so legs and boots where flying and flopping, at first on either side of the horse and then slowly he leaned…

and I watched, as if in slow motion, as he bounced until off the side he went.

I was a little too close to the accidental dismount on a very narrow trail so my horse had to jump in order to avoid stomping his feet or a leg. 

In just twenty feet or so the riderless horse stopped and behind me the horseless rider got up, groaned a little then started hiking.  I wasn’t sure if he was mad or personally offended but he wasn’t seriously hurt, thank the Lord.

I had to hike the three miles home up the steep trial dragging two horses while Thing 1 limped along, only his pride hurt but his horse too banged up to ride. 

Back at home the boys told Dad we had an adventure and when Thing 1 retold the story he claimed he “was born to fall off!”

All because of a horse eating mini donkey.

September 14, 2009 at 9:00 am 8 comments

Not so FAST!

Do you know how much you can learn from observation.  “Be still and know that I am God” implores the Lord!

In our instant gratification, fast food, fast paced, speed dating, online chatting, thrill seeking society the noise never stops.  But those who take the time to STOP and look around will find knowledge in the simplest of places.

Did you know you could learn to garden without “Gardening for Dummies” or that you can track an animal without high tech gear?

I met a huge bull moose face to face the other day.  Twenty feet apart we stared at each other, me on my horse, he in his element.   No fear, no aggression he just caulked his velveted rack and stared. Quickly we departed.  But how did I track and sneak up on one of the largest specimen of four legged creatures in our mountains when hunters search for weeks with their ATV’s and GPS, their cell’s and scopes and tree perches? 

It’s because I listened and learned.  I’ve tracked numerous deer and found signs of bears and many other critters. I use my nose, my sight and the sounds that carry on the wind when you are silent.

That’s why I love the woods, they remind me to hear with ears that really listen, see with eyes that search, feel with my whole being and trust my God given senses.

Sometimes in the day to day I begin to feel like one of the machines I load to wash dishes, or type at to communicate with friends or watch to learn something new.  When did we become so one dimensional?

Today will you sit down and listen?  What can you hear beyond the honking cars, the whir of the fan or the droning of the local news anchor?

August 14, 2009 at 12:08 pm 12 comments

Summer Slackin’

See I’m silly, do you suspect my serious compulsion? thing 1 pie I have a compulsion for words and I love alliteration! 🙂 

That aside, I spent the time it takes to brew my morning coffee swatting flies!  Why flies you ask?  My darling Thinglets can not resist the great outdoors but since mom doesn’t cook during the summer they also can’t resist multiple trips indoors for a snack.  During the summer I slack in the eating and the cleaning department, I reserve most of my cleaning rampages for the dreary days of winter.  Please pay close attention to the word MOST as I am not good at practicing what I preach! 

The result is a summer slackin’ mamma, several snackin saps and a serious amount of smackin’ stinkin’ segmented sailing suckers!

Since I’ve been a regular participator in Linda’s weekly blog carnival, previously “What’s for Dinner Wednesday” I decided I couldn’t let down the troops so this week I don’t have a recipe but more of a slackers gluten free survival map!

thing 2 pieNever fear though, I will be back soon with full tummy recipes since in the Northwest summer is but a passing fancy!  We have guests this week and I plan to bring you my brother in law’s (Lil Sis’ Hubby) “Famous Fish Taco” recipe.  So tune in next week!

In the mean time-

Gluten Free Goof’s Slacker’s Survival Map:

The first stop is my sock drawer!  No I don’t have any science experiments brewing in there just a “treasure map” of sorts that helps me get my head out of the clouds when it comes time to eat!  Food preparation is one area that I am somewhat of a procrastinator.  I am not confident, I am picky and yet I have grand ideas that often flop (unless my hubby is helping- he is an uninhibited cook)!  Sooo, it helps me to have a simple plan to fall back on and yet not be bound to! 

Sounds much too complicated for FOOD!  For crying out loud those six mouths are simply six pie holes!

After I have fished out my treasure map I wistfully make a paper airplane out of it and send it sailing off of the deck, past the pigs, the horses, and the vegetable garden where I am reminded there are numerous summertime bubba pietreasures we don’t get to enjoy everyday!  Second stop, garden of weedin where we get our veggies fix’!

If there is extra time and I want to impress the rats I might stop by the BBQ on the way back to the house and create a dish for the critics!

When there is no extra time my map ends up as fuel for the barbecue and I whip up my go to summer meal complete with Sweet Baby Ray’s drizzly grin!

Occasionally I forget the whole thing and let my seven year old create his own masterpiece!

So in case there is any question, my treasures are featured all over this page!  No need for maps or compasses my husband and I have been thoroughly blessed with the four adorable children God has trusted us with!

Psalm 127:3-5
3Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
       children a reward from him.

 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
       are sons born in one’s youth.

 5 Blessed is the man
       whose quiver is full of them.
       They will not be put to shame
       when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

pee wee pieAaarg, I hope you’ve enjoyed this treasure hunt, come back next week for a seriously good installment of Linda’s new and improved “What Can I Eat That’s Gluten Free” and don’t forget to visit the others this week!

July 29, 2009 at 10:02 am 9 comments

The Long Long Story- Short Version

IMG_4327Where to begin?

Lost horses?

My internet boyfriend?

Life in the long long trailer?

It’s a story about control. A story about learning to give up the illusion of control. This is my testimony written and documented as a “stone alter” to remind me where I’ve been. Equally it’s the story of my ever growing love for my husband a memoir for my children, a written legacy. It is the story of their parents and more importantly the story of the Lord’s unending provision.

It is not always a pretty story and I haven’t attained all that I’ve reached for throughout the years but thank the Lord I haven’t been given what I deserve! He is a good God, giving good and perfect gifts but sometimes that did not include the very things I had my sights on. The desires of passionate moments faded away and in their place my Jesus has given me a full and passionate life.

How about I start with the short version.  Remember, Jessie doesn’t do short so I will give it my best shot!

I asked Jesus into my heart when I was five.  I can still remember it in vivid living color!  My Daddy and I were sitting on the carpeted landing of our three story, turn of the century home in downtown Coeur d’Alene (Core-duh-lane, it’s French).  My mom fondly recalls how I would tell complete strangers my address pluckily including the “downtown” part in my montra!  There is a different feel in “downtown” and even as a five year old I knew it. 

Each block had a dozen or so quaint old houses. Huge oak and maple trees lined the street yawning with their branches over the road, touching in the middle creating a canopy of glistening leaves in the spring and summer.  Those same trees with swelling roots had pushed up the sidewalk in places but people didn’t mind, they just bumped their baby carriages around the crevasse and went on their way awestruck by the sheer beauty of their surroundings.  We had one such tree but it sat back off the road, almost close enough to climb into from the window at the landing where we sat.

I would sit with Daddy and press my little nose against the glass to watch the Robin’s nesting and caring for their young.  Year after year the same family would return to the cradle in that old maple to gather twigs.  Weeks would pass and the mother would lay thumb sized, speckled blue eggs.  She would sit patiently while father, with his beautiful red breast, would flutter off busily caring for her until the chicks had hatched, and then they both would busy themselves caring for the young.  Sometimes I could see the sharp beaks stretched out from fuzz topped heads blind and helpless, waiting for morsels of goodness.  

I’ve often thought of those brilliant birds as an allegory for how God places us here on earth then watches, drawing us while His truth grows inside us ready to burst through the shell of selfishness into a realization that He is the one true King.  Jesus provided a way for us to get out of our mortal shell and really live, then he carefully feeds and cares for us through His Word (spiritual food) and the fellowship of believers as we mature into strong God fearing individuals. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself and my story is getting long!

Sitting there that day watching the Robins with my dad I asked probing questions about life and our existence.  Soon he could recognize that the Holy Spirit was working and he asked if I would like to have Jesus in my heart!  My own heart picked up it’s pace as I pondered the magnitude of this decision.  As much as a five year old mind could I understood that I could not get out of that shell alone. I needed Jesus. 

Daddy prayed with me and covered me with his protection and guidance for the time being.  I understood the Father because I had the example of my own Daddy and I wanted to grow up to be like him. 

Thus began my journey and consequently my life!

July 21, 2009 at 10:31 am 8 comments

I am me everyone else is taken.

I just stumbled upon a blog whose title is “I’m just me (everyone else is taken)” and I love the quote so I stole it 🙂 Hehe!  It got me thinking.

I’ve been really moody lately- what’s up with that?  Who knows maybe it’s the onions they made me eat!  I even told my husband the other day “I don’t like myself lately!”   You know that feeling it’s like the saying “wherever I go there I am.”  So the question remains, what to DO about it!?

CHANGE!  Do you remember our discussion about change?  I’m very resistant to it, I’m married to it and I am living by it all at the same time.  I think we all are really, like it or not.  Can I change?  Can I forget about the onions and enjoy the blessings of the day?

My blessings are numerous really.  Four beautiful children and a wonderful loyal, hard working, supportive husband. A gorgeous house in the woods complete with vegetable garden, animals of all kinds, many many lovely friends.  I really have nothing to be moody about yet I find myself going about my day with a wrinkled brown worrying about my WORRYING!  Ack

Thank the Lord he doesn’t define us by our worst day, in fact I am even more grateful he doesn’t measure us by our BEST day.  Instead our Gracious Father sees us through alens of  mercy, he views us through the veil of the blood that flowed on calvary.

Thank you Jesus for seeing me Redeemed!

Thank you Jesus for seeing me Whole!

Thank you Jesus for seeing me on YOUR BEST DAY, the day you bore my sin unselfishly, most lovingly I am forgiven through your Grace!

Whew!

Help me to see others through that lens!

July 20, 2009 at 2:23 pm 7 comments

Clearing up 52-54 and how my husband is involved in homeschooling.

What is 52-54 you ask? Click here to find out.

A question arose on a blogI read about homeschooling and whether or not our husbands are involved. I’ve been pondering this for a while.

Not that I have to ponder “if or how” my husband is involved but our dynamic is unique and I was thinking about the why. My husband is a public school teacher so its actually quite strange that we have chosen to homeschool and that he is in fact involved in that. I love what Karen said in her post about her husband being her biggest defender and that, I would say, is Matt’s #1 roll.

Another way our situation is different than most is that my husband is a talker! He laughs that if most women have 3500 words a day and men 2000, he has 2000 per hour! 🙂 I process things by writing and pondering alone and then bring the parts that I can’t get through alone to a trusted friend (often my husband).  He, on the other hand processes everything by talking. Talk it through, argue it through, and when something has to be done he doesn’t just set his mind to it and go he has to talk about the details. I thought I could talk! HA!

You can see how leaving him completely out of the picture would not give him ample opportunity to feel he was doing his best job as defender! He needs to talk through the details. I guess he would be something like our Principal. 🙂 Not in the “authority” sense but more my companion and support system. If I’m really stuck or struggling with balance etc. he is there to bounce ideas off of. Also my husband is the huge visionary for our family. I’m a dreamer! He can see the big picture and keep us “on track” so to speak where I can get overwhelmed with the day to day tasks not feeling like we are reaching goals quickly enough. Does that make sense?

One day before we started homeschooling he and I took a drive and as we went along we jostled ideas and thoughts back and forth. Eventually we came to a conclusion about our school concept that we wanted to strive toward and gave ourselves a “mission and vision” statement. This actually came partly out of conflict. He had been fielding some “flack” from people at work about why we homeschool and of course those skeptics thinking that somehow I had manipulated him into allowing me to “keep the kids home”! They must NOT really know my husband!

Now before I freak you out on this it is not intended to make me feel “greater than thou” or even for Matt and I to have something to hang over the others head, it’s more a marker. Like the spiritual markers God gives us as believers we wanted progress markers in education to align to a goal and have an answer for ourselves mostly, it just so happens that it helps us to answer others when we have the Mission and Vision in the back of our heads. Okay, ya we are weird and scholarly like that! Both of us first born, driven, passionate, talker, educator type people. Speaking of education that was a huge and ridiculous paragraph, forgive me!

Anyhow this is what we came up with…Our Mission: Develop the drive to persueTruth and apply knowledge. That is a capitol “T” because we feel if knowledge is properly applied and a person actively persues truth they will always find The Truth in Christ. We won’t have to fear that we didn’t give our children all the head knowledge they would ever need because they will know how to seek. If they loose their way they will have the tools to learn their way back.  At least they can never claim ignorance right?

Our Vision: R.E.S.P.E.C.T. an acrostic. I’m shaking my head right now, we are so so “magoo”! Here goes;
R. Reach your potential
E. Exercise a joyful heart
S. Speak for what’s right
P. Promote your Created personality
E. Exercise knowledge
C. Care for others
T. Train to use your God given talents

So there you have it. As I think of this too I am reminded that another huge motivation for writing itall out is the fact that at this time we have our children in a state run charter program (don’t be a hater!). We prayerfully considered this decision and came up with the mission so that we can see the line in the sand! If the charter option at any point were to steer us away from that line we would we have a gauge! I am not interested in having the state teach my kids but I am (at this point) okay with aligning them to the standards especially since my husbands job is a factor! Standards aren’t what you might think. I’m not teaching that evolution is right or omitting God from my curriculum (ooh, boy this is a big discussion-I won’t go there)! Just to say I am thankful to God that this option allows us some financial flexibility, I can spend money on the faith based curriculum I REALLY want the kids to experience and accept the help for the standards like Math, P.E., even music lessons. Beyond that God has totally blessed us with a Christian consultant teacher.  It’s definitely not for everyone. 

The “mission” is my way of processing! 🙂  It is written in black and white and I can refer to it from time to time. This past year I was frustrated with a specific reading push in the standards set forth, so I brought it to Matt’s attention saying “I just don’t see how this aligns with our Mission!”  He came through for me and we discussed how mastering reading is essential to being able to pursue truth!  Not that I would skip the “reading” concept but I’m truly not passionate about teaching elementary. I can’t wait until the upper grades and K-3rd seems so mundane and unnecessarily repetative to me.  We have found a balance and I am now more passionate because I see how it fits into the big picture!

Back to my husbands involvement. Matt is for sure my helper, defender and my substitute teacher! This coming year we are going to try once a week having him take the boys through the math concepts for the week. I have a hard time seeing math in a big picture way, I get stuck on the why and even though it is low level math I get stuck on what “concept” am I teaching! Not to mention we use Right Start Math (I guess it is somewhat like Singapore Math) and I was taught the good ol’ memorize your tables way! We will be trying this out but I intend to play all the games and do any seat work with the kids and Matt will overview the weeks “concepts” to fill in any gaps. He can look at my book and in 5min figure out what the theme is where I have to read every word. I’m weird like that!

One problem we both see with him being overly responsible for any of the day to day activities of school is that after being at work it would be more work (literally) for him and he would be less able to leave work at work and just be Dad!  There is such a huge need for Dad/child relationships in our culture, we don’t want to overshadow that with more school, and an evening agenda and then off to bed.  I’d like for Matt to be able to play with and disciple our kids, if that happens to be in a learning environment great.  We are both of the “lifelong learning” camp and therefore our house is full of opportunities, we actually have to balance our need to “teach” with our kids’ need to “learn” by natural consequences and just being kids.

Aside from the new plan to do math, Matt does do a directed discipleship driven Bible study with the boys twice a week.  That is their sacred time and they really look forward to it so I’m sure any dad involvement can be turned into an opportunity if that’s how a family wants to run their school!  We just struggle with over-teaching our kids.  Evenings need to be set aside for fun and open conversation (remember, we are talkers!) not work, and agendas.

So there you have it, our crazy messed up beautiful! I’d better post this thing before I get off on another tangent!

July 15, 2009 at 11:58 pm 12 comments

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MATT - Food Creativity Consultant, Joyful Partner in Crime JESSIE - Photographer, Amateur Food Critic, Blog Author CAPTAIN OBVIOUS - formerly Thing 1 Thing 1 SCARFUNKLE - formerly Thing 2 IMG_3466 LOUD KIDDINGTON - formerly THE BUBBA 3 PEE WEE MINI ME BORN March 8, 2011

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Sourdough Update

Many of you have been checking back for results on my sourdough creation. At the moment it is still a science experiment, but a happy, bubbly experiment. Never fear, recipes will be here! I did make a beautiful, moist and delicious loaf of sourdough using yeast and a myriad of other ingredients but I'm still trying to create something more user friendly. Wouldn't it be awesome to have a starter on the counter that you could add 4 things to and have a loaf of bread by dinner? Mmmm! Attempt #1 - rose well but resulted in a dense chewy blob Attempt #2 - rose ok but was thin and lifeless then fell and another dense (not so chewy) blob Attempt #3 - to the dogs! Attempt #4 - A sourdough pancake success see post under what's for breakfast gluten-free goof? Ongoing - I've tried several more times and am going to try a completely different approach on the bread starting this week. (Mar 18). My sourdough is still happy on my counter and it makes great pancakes but it's a lot of work just for pancakes. Keep checking! April Update: She is still kickin and I'm still workin on a yeast free, gluten free sourdough loaf! May Update: My sourdough "pet" has been dried and retired until next baking season. I've traded her in for a hotter model, the BBQ! :)
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